Candid thoughts about "The Tale" (2018)

Ephraim Belnap

--

W-o-w! What a doozy. 

The above is a great example of understatement. 

--

So this film is a retelling of the director’s experience with realizing she’d been sexually abused as a thirteen-year-old. In her head, it was simply an age gap relationship, but in her forties, her mom found some writing she’d done about it and got her thinking about it in a negative light, and this film retraces the steps she took realizing how it was. Already pretty mature content. 

--

In this genre, I’ve seen Spotlight, Doubt, and I suppose some CSI:SVU episodes.

--

The director said she wanted to portray the crimes in all their complexity, but honestly, I think showing the “complexity” just condemns them more; it doesn’t matter if they did it slowly or hesitantly or reservedly, they still did it. And onscreen they DON’T do it hesitantly or reservedly. 

--

Amateur sleuthing alert!

The director changed the names and the sports they coached just enough that it isn’t immediately apparent who they are in real life. But according to a few people in the Reddit discussion page for this film, it’s possible to figure out who it was, because the film does give a few details: 

* It’s explicitly a sport that both men and women competed in

* The male abuser was an Olympian and a divorcee

* The female abuser was married to an older man. 

* The man quit coaching at a particular college in 1983. 

* The man was quite acclaimed in his field for a long time

There aren’t that many people who match that description, so at least two people in the r/movies discussion for this film deduced who it was. Upon following some of the same trail, I came across the most likely perpetrator. If you want to see it and my thoughts, read on. If you don’t care, just skip the next paragraph. 

-

-

-

The person I and the commenters have settled on seems to be Ted A. Nash, who fits all the above criteria where no one else does so far. He’s also unfortunately a legend in the sport of rowing and beloved by all. But c’mon, this happened fifty years ago! Look at how bad pedophilia is now, where phrases like “age of consent” and “statutory rape” are commonplace. And then tell me that fifty years ago it’s inconceivable that a man, even a man well-liked by his peers, could have done this. Look at the Sandusky case! In real life, a lot of pedophiles aren’t skulking weirdos, they’re people that are well-liked and even good-looking or charismatic! That’s how they get away with it! And if the Olympics gymnastics sex abuse scandal taught us anything, it’s that coaches and sports leaders are in a great position to manipulate young people into sexually abusive dynamics! 

-

-

-

That said, I’m not so bold as to say I can make an unequivocal judgement after about eight hours of even knowing about this case, but it doesn’t seem inconceivable in this instance. Maybe I’m wrong, and I’ll discover something two weeks later that disproves this, but for now, I’m confident saying it here. 

-- 

I have a lot written up about the film, but I think the most useful thing I could share are my notes about what exactly people say. What do victims tell themselves, what to victims tell others, what do abusers tell them, and what do you say to cut through the crap?

Things the abuser said: 

“Just a little while longer and then it will be over, and it will never hurt again.” 

“No young boy would ever do this for you. But I’m not giving up. I’m here for you”

“Please. I love you. I need you. We can work everything out. Please don’t leave me.”

“See how miserable people look in their little nuclear units? It’s all those rules. Monogamy; marriage. It’s killing people. You really need to start thinking more clearly.” 

Things you tell yourself: 

“It was the ’70’s, people didn’t talk about it like that.” 

“He fell apart, not me.” 

Things supportive people can say: 

“He was 40 years old, he was my age.” 

Things you say when you’re better: 

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I’m gonna hang up now.”